By: David Matthews (Husband, father, coach, umpire, friend, and mentor)
October 8, 2020
“Dad, will you be my coach?” those words heard by many a father might bring forth an array of thoughts and emotions. Some are ready to jump right in and teach those lads how to be great. While to others, the thought of coaching brings anxiety and reluctance.” I have absolutely no idea how to play this sport, let alone coach these kids!” Regardless, if your kid wants you to coach, disappointing them is hard, so you might as well plunge right in.
My wife and I have two sons who are very different though both have natural athletic ability, unlike myself. At my oldest son’s request, we signed him up for soccer when he was about six years old, and, as is often the case, the league asked if anyone wanted to coach. Having played soccer as a youth and loving the game, I agreed to assist another dad I knew. How hard can this be? It’s incredible how much you forget after 25 years, or what’s more the case; you realize how little you knew in the first place. The great thing about modern society is the multitude of online resources available. A quick internet search brings many videos and articles on teaching basic skills, running drills, setting up offenses and defenses, etc. Watching other games and talking to other coaches about what works can significantly benefit you as a coach. However, it takes actual field experience to learn how to fall on your duff because you didn’t think you needed cleats to run drills on the wet grass with your team.
Be prepared for situations that will undoubtedly make coaching a lesson in diplomacy. While everyone wants to win, development is probably a better focus at a young age. In addition, most leagues have minimum playing time requirements. So, if you are looking to win a few games, it may be tempting to bend the rule to give your better players more time. Instead, find ways to field the team while helping them improve. Parents who didn’t bother to volunteer to coach will test your patience by giving you plenty of advice and feedback on your coaching. Then, of course, there’s that one kid who is only there because their mom made them join the team and decides to set next to the goal for his mandatory playing time. Oh, the Joy!
In actuality, though, I loved learning new drills and figuring out which ones worked best for our team. I loved being on the field with my son and all of the kids and seeing them develop over seven soccer seasons with mostly the same team. I remember my son getting the Golden Goal to make the playoffs and another player kicking a corner kick, then heading the rebound into the goal! I loved hearing them call me coach and strategizing how to win the game while allowing everyone to have fun. Then, when we dominated one league, we moved the whole team to another, where we were just average to challenge them and help them develop. Those were great days that I will never forget.
Baseball put an end to the soccer days. My oldest son decided when he was nine to play baseball. My neighbor and I realized he had an outstanding arm, and I knew he could hit. But I was no baseball coach! My dad called me the strikeout king for a good reason. I never really understood the game’s nuances when I was growing up. So, I let other dads coach and watched and worked with my sons at home. I learned so much from just watching the other coaches.
Eventually, my youngest son talked me into coaching. There was no coach for the 14U team, and no one stepped up. After some pleading from my son, I agreed to coach him. But it was no longer 60ft baselines with no stealing. The league was regular baseball rules with 90ft baselines. The League President had already talked me into being the league’s Umpire-n-Chief despite never having umpired. I read and went to training and watched professional, high school, and youth umpires. I umpired a few games myself. I learned as I went, and we made it work. So, I at least knew the rules and had my feet wet.
Preparing to coach, I again did what I could to educate myself with books and online resources. I learned skills and tried them with my team. I recruited dads to help with coaching. I learned that keeping all the players engaged isn’t easy, and managing your practice time was essential. I started taking notes after every practice trying to figure out who my pitchers and catchers were and who could make the throw from third to first. It was most of these boys’ first year with 90ft baselines. I had to learn how to pitch to coach pitching and understand the nuances between the pitcher, catcher, and first baseman. Youth baseball is, in many ways, so much more interesting than the pros because you never know what will happen. If the runner is too far off first, will your pitcher realize it and make a good throw over to first, and will the first baseman be paying attention? Is it worth taking the risk of an overthrow and giving up not only 2nd but 3rd? Is it better to keep your best players in the infield, or do you need to ensure the center fielder can catch and throw it accurately to 2nd? How do you ensure your less skilled players get playing time without sacrificing good defense? How do you keep the better players on the team humble and not cocky? There are so many things to consider and so many situations that baseball is one of the most exciting games. I never realized that until I started paying attention.
Ironically, having been a terrible baseball player, I loved coaching baseball more than coaching soccer. I loved discussing batting order and field position changes with my son. We discussed what changes would be helpful and why and how to help certain players improve their weaker abilities. Our younger son loved to work on throwdowns and stealing bases. He liked to live on the edge, which kept it exciting and challenging for a cautious coach. But, you must realize it’s just a game, and sometimes you get thrown out trying to stretch that triple into a homer. Other times you take advantage of the catcher throwing lazily to the pitcher and sneak into home from third! Sometimes you have to challenge the status quo, though, and realize what works in the pros might be bunk in youth baseball. Experimenting is part of the experience.
Working with the other adults was a great experience too. There is much to learn from people who are far more skilled and knowledgeable about the game. I made some great friends along the way, and I love to see how life is treating the kids, who are now all adults living their lives. I hope most of them get the chance to coach their sons or daughters. I am forever grateful for the opportunity and the experience I had with my sons. If you have the option to coach, don’t pass up that fantastic opportunity to enjoy life with your child.
Our Older son, playing 8th Grade Baseball
